Two Meetings, Two ‘Me’s’— Knowledge and Belonging
Imagine yourself sitting in one of your daily or weekly meetings. I'm sure you recognise the following. There is a certain topic on the table, which you are discussing together. Looking back at my own experience in these situations, there are basically two ways this could go and two different “me’s” that could show up. I imagine it’s the same with you.
In the one meeting, if the topic is one I feel knowledgeable about and if I get the feeling that the majority of the group aligns with my thinking, I would nod or even add something to the conversation. I would feel confident enough to share my views and thoughts and I would feel energized, due to a feeling of belonging. My unconscious inner dialogue would be something like:
"We are all in the same place here. This is good. I feel safe".
In the other meeting—a meeting in which I have different thoughts, beliefs or desires about the presented topic than that of the rest of the group—my reaction would be dramatically different. I would feel less confident to speak up and share. I would probably start an inner dialogue saying things like:
"Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm missing something or I just don't understand what they are saying."
I would start doubting my own knowledge about the topic or my place in this conversation. And the result would likely be that I would not say anything or would feel a lot of anxiety if I were to speak up. I would feel the fear of being rejected or laughed at. Can you relate to this, or do you have different patterns in similar situations?
What I want to emphasize is how important knowledge is for us. We feel confident if we think we are knowledgeable about a certain topic. If we are around people with the same thoughts, feelings and desires we feel safer and therefore have less anxiety.
Why is knowledge so important to us?
Berlyne (1954) says that knowledge can be biologically helpful to us. One reason is because it can enable goal-directed behaviour to be more efficient through being better prepared for what can be viewed as something threatening. Another reason is that it can enable warning signals to be recognized, so that danger can be avoided. It seems that knowledge both protects and prepares us for what can or is to come.
We are all born with an overpowering need to know. Children ask questions to fill their knowledge gap, to resolve some inconsistency, or to look for explanations and, more generally, to test and extend their developing understanding of the world (Butler et al., 2020). Children use the answers they get to solve problems and for their cognitive development (Chouinard et al., 2007).
So we are wired from the beginning of our existence to gain and expand our knowledge. But it seems that this inquiry behaviour that we typically have as a child, gets lost somewhere on our why to adulthood. Think about it, how many questions do you ask these days? How often do you inquire about what you hear or think, by asking explorational questions, so that you really know what the other person means? Or how often do you ask a question about a topic in one of your meetings, because you don’t really get it or you are questioning what they are saying?
A Society That Focuses on “Knowing”
Our whole system and our society are built around knowing. Knowing the right answer or knowing how to do something is seen as a good quality and we cultivate this knowledge focus. Research from Engel (2013) shows that although children are born with an overpowering need to know, it dwindles once they go to school. So although we start our lives with asking a lot of questions, it seems that somewhere down the road we stop doing this. One reason for sure is that our knowledge gap gets smaller. As a child there is a lot we don't know, so we are eager to know more. But research from Engel (2013) also shows that educators are not really stimulating children to stay in a curious mode.
Psychologists say that curiosity is the urge to explain the unexpected, so the more familiar our life gets, as we get older or have more knowledge, the less curious we will (need) to be (Engel, 2013). Berlyne (1954) also says that curiosity seems to be evoked most uniformly by situations that are new and strange. So the more, we think we know how things go in life, the less curious we become. You could compare it with a process of learning a new game, first you are eager and want to learn all about it. You look up things on the Internet, etc. But once you think you have mastered it, you just play it. The same goes for our lives, most of the time we just play it without (re)thinking.
So, we start with an enormous knowledge gap. To be safe and ready for the unexpected, we become curious and gain knowledge by asking questions. Being knowledgeable gives us a safe feeling and in certain ways that is correct, because due to knowledge situations become predictable and manageable. So it's logical that we feel more competent and confident in our daily or weekly meetings if we are knowledgeable about the topic discussed.
This explains why we are not very eager to reconsider what we know. We prefer the pleasant feeling of firm beliefs to the discomfort of doubt (Grant, 2021). If we work with the knowledge we have, have learned from experience, in school or from books, we work with knowledge from the past and we do not use the data and knowledge from the present moment. Simpson and French (2006) pose this question:
If leaders acknowledge the possibility that they do not know, would that enable them to remain open to the dynamics of the present moment?
So we need to accept that we don't know to be able to notice what is there in the present moment.
Harvesting Unconscious Knowledge by Living in the Present
Thinking in the present moment, means having the capacity to see what is actually going on, in contrast with what was planned for, expected or intended—even when what is actually going on is uncertain or even unknown (Simpson & French, 2006).
To stay in an unknowing stance and contain all the anxiety that comes with this not knowing stance is called 'negative capability'. John Keats first coined this term in 1817. In a letter to his brother, he described it as a state in which a person "is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason" (Simpson et al., 2002) .
So think back on how comfortable were you the last time there was uncertainty or a doubt in your life? Maybe your company was reorganising and you were not sure if you would still have a future in that company. Or maybe you would have a future with them but you are not sure of what your role would be.
Were you able to have the ability to just stay in the moment and just let it be as it is in the here and now and work with that?
Instead of jumping into action mode and or start talking, were you able to wait (contain it) and listen? Siddhartha Gautama, commonly referred to as the Buddha, and many other philosophers, even those in the West, have seen the value of existing in the present moment. The present moment should be seen as the place where new (unknown) knowledge may emerge.
This unconscious knowledge can only be harvested if we stay in the present moment and have 'negative capabilities'. This allows us to endure the pressure of jumping to cognitive knowledge from the past or stepping directly into our preferred action mode.
Within the present moment we should start to ask questions or, as Adam Grant (2021) advocated in his book Think Again, we should start rethinking and unlearning to be ready for this rapidly changing world.
Hal Gregersen (2018), in his book Questions Are the Answer, writes:
Great questions have a catalytic quality—that is, they dissolve barriers to creative thinking and channel the pursuit of solutions into new, accelerated pathways. Often, the moment they are voiced, they have the paradoxical effect of being utterly surprising yet instantly obvious.
So rather than hold tight to all your knowledge, work instead on developing your 'negative capabilities', so that you are able to start to ask questions.
Remember "La réponse est le Malheur de la question", 'the answer is the misfortune or disease of curiosity' as Maurice Blanchot once said (Simpson & French, 2006).
So be curious without memory and desire.
For more information on individual or corporate support, please feel free to contact me at:
Sources
Berlyne, D. E. (1954). A Theory of Human Curiosity. British Journal of Psychology. General Section, 45(3), 180–191. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.2044-8295.1954.tb01243.x
Jones, A., Swaboda, N., & Ruggeri, A. (2020). Developmental changes in Questions-Asking. In The Questioning Child: Insights from Psychology and Education. Edited by Butler, L. P., Ronfard, S., & Corriveau, K. H. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED602788
Chouinard, M. M., Harris, P. L., & Maratsos, M. P. (2007). Children’s Questions: A Mechanism for Cognitive Development. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 72(1), i, v, vii–ix, 1–129.
Engel, S. (2013). The case for curiosity. ASCD, 70(5), 36–40. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1006690
Grant, A. M. (2021). Think again: the power of knowing what you don’t know. https://antikvariat11.cz/kniha/adam-grant-think-again-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know-2021
Gregersen, H. B. (2018). Questions Are the Answer. Harper Business.
Simpson, P., & French, R. (2006). Negative capability and the capacity to think in the present moment: Some implications for leadership practice. Leadership, 2(2), 245–255. https://doi.org/10.1177/1742715006062937
Simpson, P., French, R., & Harvey, C. (2002). Leadership and negative capability. Human Relations, 55(10), 1209–1226. https://doi.org/10.1177/a028081
